Mama, are you listening now?

I lost my Mom when I was about 15 years old to suicide.  She was tortured for a very long time by depressive mental illness and it finally took her.  I understood, but it was plenty hard, especially since it left me for all intent and purpose, an orphan. My father was alive, but we weren't close. I had foster family who were very-very good to me, but it was never quite the same as having my own family.

I promised myself that one day I would publish -- somewhere -- this little bit of prose I wrote for her when I was 16.  I would send it as a letter to an editor or something.  I never did publish it, I guess due to fear of rejection.

Well I have a blog now, so I can publish anything I want!  That fact, along with having lost another dear person to suicide recently, led me to publish now. It helps that nobody except for the spambots reads my blog anyway, so I have privacy here ;-).

Happy Mother's Day, Mom, wherever you are in the great beyond.  This is for you.

Note that I never called her "Mama" in real life, only in this writing.  Chalk it up to teenage drama, I guess, LOL.

Mama, Are You Listening now?

(written December 15, 1979)




Me and my mom in 1965

Mama, are you listening now?

Thank you for creating me

I am not perfect

But you gave me a chance, Mama,

Are you listening now?

 

You put me together okay, Mama

You fed me and clothed me

And when I was hurt

You rocked me in your arms

And soothed my pain

And said "God bless your heart"

When you said that, Mama, I felt that God was really there.

Are you listening now?

 

The times I was happy

You were there, happy with me Mama

<snipped out a part that was just a little too teenage dramatic, LOL>

Are you listening now?

 

Mama, it took me awhile

But I've finally got it straight.

I know why you had to go.

But Remember, wherever I go, Mama

You'll always be with me

In a great big place in my heart.

 

And if you're listening now, Mama

I just want you to know

That I love you now, and I always will.

 

--teenage Teresa, 1979


Sending love your way.